“Community is the place where the person you least want to live with always lives.”
Henri Nouwen
Out of all the kinds of relationships in existence, I have found friendships to be the weirdest.
There are the friends who I’d see once a year, but it’s as if no time went by whenever we catch up. There are friends I see and talk to almost everyday, yet I still have no idea if they even like chicken nuggets or not. There are the friends who share the same interests in which all our conversations just revolve around very specific topics like anime and superheroes. And then there are the friends who have become safe spaces for vulnerability and personal growth.
We are not meant to be alone. We are designed to go through life within the comfort and protection of life-giving relationships.
With the varying degrees in closeness and the diversity of temperaments, it is inevitable to find yourself liking and disliking many things. We are all human after all. In my opinion, it is idealistic and delusional to think that there’s no habit, way of thinking, or tendency that you won’t like, or find uncomfortable, in the behavior of your friends.
Yet despite everything, we love them.
I look at the friendships I hold dearly and there’s not a moment where I am not grateful for how they have stood by my side in every season life has brought. But if there was one thing I’ve come to terms with, it was that they will not and cannot always be there for me. Even in the times they do show up, they don’t always have the answers. There’d be some instances where I’d like their advice and sometimes I would rather not hear them try to give a solution to my problems.
What people can and cannot give is out of your control, but what is within your control is the commitment to love despite it all. (Proverbs 17:17)
At the end of the day, we will all fail one another. The closer we get to people, the easier it is to be hurt by them because conflicts exist. But conflict isn’t always a bad thing. It is an opportunity to learn empathy and humility, the very qualities Jesus himself embodied during his time on earth.
When we love like Jesus, no one is unloveable.
If our most crucial wounds happen in relationships, doesn’t it make sense that healing and restoration must also happen in relationships? But what kind of relationships?
I cannot answer you on whether it’s time to let go of a friendship or not. That’s between you and God. What I can say is this: If you want to love with all the honor and respect that comes with it, set your eyes on Jesus himself. For in the lens of His love, we are able to see past the messiness of people, including ourselves. It no longer is delusion but instead, it’s hope. It’s a love known for its forgiving nature and patient disposition to the point of taking upon our very burdens. We can know one another deeply and love each other just as much because of it.
So if you find yourself in a pickle, remember what Jesus himself said.
“So now I am giving you a new commandment:
Love each other.
Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.
Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”
John 13:34-35
